Happenings in Hell
by lijdgreat916
Summary: Gendo Ikari, the Supreme commander of NERV, and Charles di Brittania, the Emperor of basically everything, share in some small talk. It doesn't end well. Now with 20% more idiocy!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **_Code Geass. Neon Genesis Evangelion. _I own neither. If any lawyers come within 5 meters of me concerning the subject, they will face my unrestrained wrath. Seriously, I ordered a life sized version of Eva Unit-01, and its fully operational. I think. I AM (NOT) AFRAID TO USE IT!

* * *

"So..."

"..."

"... how did you end up here?"

"... my son sent me here."

"Is that so? So did mine. He choked me to death with a giant biomechanical robot. I guess he was somewhat justified, considering the whole 'trying to combine all of humanity into one gestalt entity in order to spend eternity with my kinda-sorta-not-really dead wife'."

"Really now?"

"Yeah."

"... well, if you must know, _my _son ordered the Collective Unconsciousness to erase my existence from the mortal plane, along with _my _kinda-sorta-not-really dead wife, all because I was attempting to halt the passage of time in order to create a peaceful world without lies, war, and sadness."

"Wow. Compared to you, I kind of feel like an ass."

"As you should."

"Well, my son was God for a day."

"My son managed to conquer the entire world by threatening it with holocaust."

"Oh, well-"

"And he did it all without the help of a giant floating naked teenage girl."

"Says the man whose son is a siscon!"

"At least he didn't fall in love with a gay alien!"

"Kaworu's sexual preferences are not to be brought into this, dammit!"

* * *

**Meanwhile, in a completly different wing of Hell...**

"... cosplay as Japanese Batman!"

Lelouch vi Brittania, the man of miracles, the Demon King, and 99th emperor of the Holy Empire of Brittania, thought he heard something. "Strange. I thought I made it clear to Lucifer that this wing now belonged to me. I don't remember allowing anybody in." Lelouch turned to his servant, who was prostrating on the fiery ground in fear. "Shinji, did you hear that?"

"N-no, your liege."

"Oh well. Go check on it anyway."

"Y-yes, my liege."

"And Shinji?"

"Y-yes?"

"Do me a favor and wash my Evangelion. It's getting a tad dusty."

"U-um, sir, don't you mean _my-_"

"I know what I said, slave."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **For the love of Haruhi, Gurren Laggan, Kratos, whichever god you happen to worship - I do not own _Code Geass_ or _Neon Genesis Evangelion_. My Eva Unit finally arrived, and I was fully prepared to go berserk on those pesky lawyers. But apparently, sixty bucks only buys you a metal figurine instead of the actual thing. In hindsight, I probably should have seen that coming.

* * *

"Um, your Highness? We have a bit of a... well..."

Lelouch vi Britannia, former Emperor of the World, the man of miracles Zero, and the illegitimate child of Light Yagami, woke up from his daily nap. But not just any nap. Quite possibly the most flamboyant and overly complex nap to have ever been conceived! Why, what was so special about this nap, you may ask? Well, for starters, he had dozed off on a chair.

A throne of sorts, to be more precise.

A throne situated in the middle of the fiery abyss known as Hell.

He even had a Holo-TV to pass the time.

Unfortunately, not even the enjoyment of watching himself mindf*ck the entire world over and over again would spare his servant from his unbridled wrath. "Shinji..." the Demon Emperor spoke, his voice a steady calm in contrast to the murderous aura he was projecting, "what have I said about interrupting me while the sock was on the door?" Lelouch had a good reason to be pissed. He had finally managed to kick Lucifer's demonic ass to kingdom come, and all he wanted was a little 'Me' time in his ill-gotten throne room.. Really, was that such a bad thing to ask for?

Evidently, it was to Shinji Ikari. Oh well. He had an entire list of people that could replace the former Eva pilot. He currently had one Yuno Gasai on hold.

For the forty-eighth time in that single hour alone, Shinji bowed as low as he could to the floor without burning himself. They were, after all, in Hell. "I'm terribly sorry master, but we have a serious situation!"

"And that would be...?"

"My - I mean, _your,_ Eva - has gone berserk!"

Spitting out the red wine he had chosen that specific moment to partake in, Lelouch stood up in alarm. "What do you mean, it's gone berserk!? All I told you to do was wash it, not piss it off!"

Wiping his eyes of the wine his master had spit upon him, Shinji bowed even lower than before. "I'm so sorry my Lord, I really am!"

"Well no matter. I have a plan for an event just like this."

"W-what are you going to do?"

Lelouch smiled widely. "I'm going to mindf*ck it."

* * *

**Meanwhile, in another wing of Hell...**

"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!" Charles di Britannia gloated maniacally as Eva Unit 01 laid waste to the ruins of Hell. The bio-mechanical robot would crush stone with it's mighty feet, extinguish the blazing fire with its mighty roar, and violate traffic laws with it's terrible driving skills.

That last one was a product of the megalomaniac's imagination, but whatever made him happy.

"Destroy everything in this bottomless pit, my dear!" Charles boomed. "Soon, we shall ascend to the highest level of Hell, and usurp my son! Rage with your tremendous strength, and take back what is rightfully mine! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

It was a rare sight to see Gendo Ikari sweatdrop, but this instance was one of those exceptions that made him want to drop whatever stoic facade he still maintained and slap the ever-loving sh*t out of someone. "Charles, don't you think you're being a little over-dramatic?" He wasn't as mad at the fact that his comrade wouldn't let him have a turn at the cliche evil laugh as he was at the fact that Charles was essentially sweet-talking his ethereal wife.

"...nope."

As the angelic cyborg continued it's rampage, Gendo spotted a white spot in the distance. Apparently Unit 01 did as well, as it turned it's head to observe the spot.

"_I, Lelouch vi Britannia command you..."_

Charles stopped gloating long enough for one thought to cross his mind. _Well... sh*t_.

"_...get the f*ck off my lawn!_"

* * *

"And that, Shinji, is how you deal with giant bio-mechanical cyborgs capable of making total wimps into _insane_ total wimps."

"But I don't have magical eye powers..."

"Well, then you'd best get on my level, slave.

"Yes master..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I do not, have not, nor will I ever own the_ Code Geass_ or _Neon Genesis Evangelion_ franchises. Though I do have a plan to rectify this particular situation. It involves four pineapples, a can of phosphorus, and begging Haruhi Suzimaya to help me. Yeah, it's pretty foolproof.

* * *

"So, when did you meet Shinji?"

It was an innocent enough question, but Suzaku Kururugi couldn't help but notice a slight feeling of danger from the albino boy standing across him. "Well, I was admiring the view above the Lake of Androgynous Anime Characters-"

"By any chance, did you happen to meet a small English boy? Blonde hair, blue eyes, radiates an aura of absolute prickishness?"

"You mean Alois? Yeah, I think so."

"Good. No one has ever deserved their last name more than he has. Anywho, you were saying?"

"... so, yeah, Lake of Gender Confused People. Then I noticed that a giant robot was about to cannonball into the lake. Obviously, I couldn't have that, Lelouch would throw the biggest hissy fit in existence."

"Lelouch?"

"Lord Super Awesome Bishoujo Miracle God Kawaii Desu Desu Totally Rad-sempai-sensei-sama-kun-chan?"

Kaworu Nagisa's eyes widened in recognition. "Oh, him! You're on a first name basis with our new Overlord?"

"Unfortunately, yes, I am. Honestly, I wish he would stop making everyone call him that. I mean, Zero was supposed to be an untouchable ideal, the Demon Emperor was suposed to personify his supposed evil, and I was even okay with calling him Kira after he got ahold of that weird black notebook, but calling him that long ass title is where I draw the line. I think he's letting all that power get to his head. Again."

Even though Kaworu had absolutely no idea what Suzaku was talking about, he just nodded his head in mock sympathy. But he still wanted his original question answered. "S-"

"And don't even get me started on that stupid Zero Requiem scheme of his! What does that even mean?! I googled the word, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the mindf*uck he pulled on us!"

"Well, at least it wasn't as bad as my death."

"Oh yeah, that's right, you got crushed to death by Lelouch's Evangelion, didn't you?"

"Actually, my head exploded via explosive collar."

"But you said-"

"Look, the details don't matter."

"But-"

"It's not important!"

"..."

"... anyway, how did you meet Shinji again?"

"... you know what, I think I saw Mr. Kurosaki heading towards my Lancelot earlier. I should probably go and make sure he doesn't try to wield the Maser Vibration Swords again." Without even waiting for a reply, Suzaku ran away like a total pu- uh, like the complete gentleman he was. He felt the need to hang out with someone less creepy than Kaworu. Like that nice Alucard fellow he met earlier.

And so it was that Kaworu once again, found himself alone.

Later that day, he visited his cousin Akise Aru. He was immediately kicked out.


End file.
